Friday 10 January 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Superdry surprised to learn just how few people are willing to pay seventy quid for a hooded sweater


superdry profit warning

Superdry has dramatically reduced its profit forecasts after it emerged that the general public does indeed believe that thirty quid for a mid-brand t-shirt is taking the piss.

The brand, which is presumably loved by someone, had forecast profits of forty million pounds but has now revised those estimates to between zero and ten million pounds.

“We’d prefer ten million,” clarified Superdry account, Simon Williams.

“Our strategy last year was to sell things at full price as much as possible, even over the Christmas period. But it turns out that was a shortsighted strategy as our full retail prices are fucking mental.

“I hadn’t been into one of our stores for a long time as all of the clothes we sell are too garish for someone my age while at the same time being drastically uncool for anybody under the age of thirty.

“But it turns out we’re trying to sell hooded sweaters for the thick end of a hundred quid.

“So now we ARE having a sale and our prices have gone from utterly insane to just a bit greedy, which I think is fair.”

Shopper, Jay Cooper, suggested, “fuck off.

“Primark do a hoodie for a tenner. It does the same thing. You put your arms through it and get warmer than you were without it. Should the mood take you, you can put the hood up.

“The only way I’m forking out seventy quid for a hoodie is if it’s got four twenty pound notes hidden in it.”

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