Wednesday 28 August 2019 by Neil Tollfree

I’ll decide when you’re allowed democracy, says Boris Johnson


Boris and democracy

Unelected dictator Boris Johnson has reminded his subjects that they can have democracy, but only when he allows it.

His words come in the wake of his plan to suspend the democratically elected Parliament because it might not do what he wants them to do.

“I love democracy, big fan of it, tremendous concept,” explained the optimistic and jolly, yet clearly insane, new Prime Minister.

“However, right now I want to do something and the whole democracy thing could get in the way of me doing it, which simply isn’t on.

“So we’ll just put democracy to the side until I’ve done what I want to do and then everyone can have it back again afterwards.

“Probably.”

Despite the terrifying implications of his words and actions, Mr Johnson’s fans seemed supportive.

“Yes, Boris is quite right,” explained Simon Williams, an unquestioning simpleton who does what he’s told.

“I mean, he is the leader and everything, so he should get to decide when we get democracy. If he wants to suspend democracy for a month or so then it’s no big deal, I mean, it’s the end of September, there’s a lot of people still on holiday then.

“And, you know, he went to Eton and is quite posh and knows Latin, so who am I to disagree with him deciding when I’m allowed democracy.”

It is unknown exactly what Mr Johnson plans after suspending democracy – Purges of intellectuals, the expulsion of enemies, or perhaps even a secret police to monitor the thoughts and opinions of all British people.

Still, he was quite funny on Have I got News for you, wasn’t he?

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