The government has announced a review into one of its most unpopular plans, one that will cost the nation billions and deliver only poorly-articulated spurious benefits. No, not that one, the other one.
Millions of UK residents have been left disappointed that the review is into HS2, and not Brexit, but have welcomed the news that the government is at least starting to look at things they’re wasting money on when most of the people don’t actually want it.
Whitehall insider Simon Williams told us, “There was a rumour that Boris had ordered his closest allies to begin a review into a very unpopular and expensive project, and I’ll be honest, we all thought ‘no-deal Brexit’.
“It makes sense that he’d press pause, tell the EU he needs time to review the implications for the nation and whether we still want to go ahead with it – but no, we were wrong.
“Apparently he wants to know if HS2 is still worth the £55bn it’ll cost, but seems quite happy with no-deal Brexit leaving the UK economy £200bn smaller in the next fifteen years.
“It’s an interesting tactic, showing the country he wants to make sure he doesn’t waste any money, while simultaneously throwing £200bn down the shitter.”
Voter Mike Dawson told us, “Looking at HS2 is a start, I guess. Maybe we’ll still get a proper and detailed no-deal Brexit review?
“Of course, HS2 was given the go-ahead in 2012. and we’re now doing the review on its viability in 2019, so at this rate, we’ll probably announce a review into the viability of no-deal Brexit about six years after it happens.”