But Berlin’s hard border worked really well, Boris Johnson tells Angela Merkel

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Boris Johnson is meeting Angela Merkel in Berlin where he will persuade her to remove the Irish backstop plan by pointing out that the hard border between East and West Germany didn’t cause any problems.

The British Prime Minister is visiting Berlin today where – armed only with ignorance and a pocketful of oomph – he’ll be trying to convince the German Chancellor to scrap the backstop plan for the Irish border.

“I hope Angela has braced herself because she’ll never have had so much welly given to her,” said Johnson.

“I’ve been doing my research and have an absolute whizz-bang killer of an argument.

“Apparently there used to be this thing called the Berlin Wall and it was about as hard as a border can get.

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“A hard Irish border would be mainly air but this one was actual concrete, I think.

“From what I can tell it was jolly effective and didn’t cause any serious issues.

“It was just a bloody border, not some physical manifestation of ideological and political divides. It’s not as if anyone died is it?”

Meanwhile, Merkel has responded to Boris’ comments that the EU were being ‘a bit negative’.

“I have the greatest respect for Mr Johnson,” she said. “There will be a very warm welcome for both him and his oomph and I will be listening intently to anything he has to say.”

In other news, the German government has borrowed the Angela Merkel waxwork from the Berlin branch of Madame Tussauds. It is not known why.