UK negotiator leaves threat of shitting himself on the table in order to secure Brexit deal

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With Boris Johnson replacing Theresa May as UK PM, the dynamic of the Brexit negotiations have changed dramatically.

Since coming into the role of Brexit negotiator, David Frost (not that one) has refused to rule out shitting himself in order to force the EU into a favourable deal.

“It’s important that the EU understand I’m serious here,” said Mr Frost.

“I will not hesitate to shit in my own pants if they don’t make changes to the backstop.

“When you’re in a top-level negotiation like this, you never take anything off the table. I know that because I read it in my Negotiation for Dummies book.”

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However, despite Mr Frost’s resolute attitude, the threat has only served to confuse the EU.

“I understand that Mr Frost will shit in his pants, yes,” explained EU negotiator Michel Barnier, who must have countless better things he could be doing.

“But, I don’t really understand why he thinks this is such a threat to the EU. They are, after all, his pants.

“Whilst the negotiation room will smell a bit, this is not a big problem for us, we open the window and the smell goes away, but for Mr Frost? His pants and trousers are all beshitted. He can try cleaning them, I suppose, but I would imagine they will be ruined beyond repair.”

Undeterred by the EU’s refusal to be cowed by his threat to shit himself, Mr Frost is prepared ramp up his threats.

“Alright, they’re not bothered if I shit myself? Fine,” he said.

“What about if I punch myself in my own face as well? That’ll show them.”