Boris Johnson has found the solution to all the major socio-economic problems facing the UK – ‘will and spirit’.
Until today there was an undeniable air of pessimism at the thought of Boris Johnson becoming Prime Minister.
But no longer – for he has revealed himself to be nothing less than a messiah who will cure all illness and turn the most plastic-contaminated water into the finest wine.
Boris is bringing us ‘will and spirit’ – the only two pillars required to sustain a prosperous nation.
“We need to rediscover our sense of mission,” explained Boris. “We can leave the EU on 31st October if we really want to. But a positive attitude can achieve so much more.
“If you can’t afford food then simply shut your eyes tight and will some money into your wallet. Then get yourself down to one of those superb market things that people apparently use.
“You don’t need a welfare state if you have optimism!
“Likewise, if you’re an NHS surgeon struggling to clear waiting lists then don’t waste time complaining about staff shortages and lack of funding – just apply a bit of elbow grease and get those bloody hip replacements done.
“Perhaps sing while you’re doing the operations to keep your spirits up!
“People get too hung up on facts and practicalities.”
Boris concluded, “We’re British for God’s sake – so chin up, shoulders back, pants down and on with the job!”
Most of the UK is currently hoping against hope that Johnson will lose the Tory leadership contest.