Relief as world-renowned honest person Donald Trump promises post-Brexit free trade deal

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There was widespread relief in Westminster and across the country after Donald Trump, a man noted throughout the world for his scrupulous devotion to the truth, promised Britain a great post-Brexit trade deal.

Mr Trump made the promise whilst on his State Visit to Great Britain, prompting an upturn in the economy and an immediate cessation of talks with the EU on trade deals because they will no longer be required as Britain will definitely be having a comprehensive free trade deal with the US.

“Well, that’s that whole Brexit thing sorted then,” said part-time PM Theresa May.

“We can just dump the EU and do all our trade with America.

“I mean, if Mr Trump says we’re getting a trade deal, then we’re getting a trade deal. He always keeps his promises.

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“Apart from that thing about repealing Obamacare. But, other than that, he always keeps his promises.

“Oh, and when he said he’d protect a woman’s right to abortion.

“So, other than repealing Obamacare and protecting abortion rights, he always keeps his….  and Afghanistan. There was the whole Afghanistan thing. He said he’d pull troops out, but he didn’t.

“Okay, so apart from Obamacare, abortion rights, Afghanistan, building a wall, rebuilding infrastructure, preventing illegal immigration, replacing Nafta, correcting the trade deficit with China, and his wedding vows, the President has never, ever broken a promise.”

There was a brief concern that Mr Trump may already be backing out of his promise when asked at a press conference to give a few more details on the trade deal with Britain, he responded: “The what with who now?”

However, Theresa May has reassured the country that it’ll be fine because the President definitely never, ever breaks his promises.