Friday 3 May 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Standing-at-the-back-dressed-stupidly-and-looking-stupid Party takes three Tory councils


Local election candidates

The Standing-at-the-back-dressed-stupidly-and-looking-stupid party has made significant gains in yesterday’s local council elections.

The SATBDSALS (even the abbreviation is a pain in the arse to type) have traditionally failed to capture the public vote with such bizarre policies as the compulsory serving of asparagus at breakfast, free corsets for the under-fives, and the abolition of slavery.

“Three councils! What a night!” said the party’s head, Ivor Biggun, who left the Conservatives to form the party after the Conservatives got too silly and now spends election campaigns in a low-quality monkey suit.

“We’ve really shown those blue buggers what’s what! Time to get things properly on board! Asparagus for everyone, and spare not the mustard!”

Former Conservative councillor, Simon Williams, said “Fuck’s sake.

“We should have seen this coming. We took away free breakfasts, and this lot are offering asparagus to everyone. We can’t compete with that.

“Lots of our members are on board with the free corsets for children thing, but keep that under your hat.”

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