Monday 22 April 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Conservatives criticise ‘abhorrent’ Diane Abbott for using public transport


Diane Abbott drinks mojito on the train

Diane Abbott has been photographed using public transport.

The beleaguered Labour MP was spotted using a London overground train while drinking a mojito.

”That last bit’s fine, most of us are shitfaced on a constant basis. That’s why we’re all a bit shouty in the Commons,” confirmed Conservative MP, Simon Williams.

”But taking a TRAIN?! How ghastly. Was her chauffeur sick? He better have been. Otherwise what on earth does she think she was doing?

“She wasn’t even in first class. She might as well have just wiped her arse on the parliamentary procedure manual.

”Utterly shameful behaviour from a supposed politician. Everyone knows the correct protocol for travel is to take a chauffeured car while snorting a line of coke in the back. Was George Osborne’s pioneering work in this field all for nothing? It seems so. For shame.

“Diane Abbott needs to apologise and get herself into the back of a mid-range saloon immediately.”

Diane Abbott commented “fuck off” while cracking open a can of Special Brew, to the applause of anybody who has ever taken a train.

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