Territorial Army desperate for Mark Francois to stop mentioning he was in them

author avatar by 5 years ago

The Territorial Army has pleaded with Conservative MP and ERG deputy chair Mark Francois to desist from mentioning his history with them, as it is having a detrimental effect on their reputation.

A spokesperson for the TA said, “We work very hard to recruit the best and brightest who might have chosen careers outside the military, and Mark is really pissing on that perception.

“Who wants to join a club of which Mark Francois is a member?

“This isn’t the first time this has happened to us, either. Do you know how hard it was to shake off the image of Gareth from the Office spending his weekends running around the woods with a rifle? Thank you for absolutely nothing, Ricky Gervais.

“But thankfully, over the years, people have forgotten Gareth and his TA stories – but now Mark has come forward to ruin all of our hard work by mentioning his training all the blood time.

“People need to realise there are fitness requirements to be an Army reservist, and the image of an overweight man turning puce simply because he can’t get his own way on everything does not help.  We expect people to be able to run and lift things – we select on it – so people thinking the TA is made up of thousands of Mark Francois really doesn’t strike fear into our enemies.”

When asked for comment following the TA’s request, Francois said he might be willing to stop mentioning his TA past, but only if everyone agrees to a no-deal Brexit if he can throw this kettle over the pub.