Tuesday 12 March 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Telling kids with knives that they’re stupid cowards will make them feel less stabby, decides public


young people knives

The public seems to have settled on the idea that telling kids with knives that they are stupid and cowardly will definitely help.

Following the revelation that knife crime is shooting up amongst young people, a sneering public with little to no knowledge of the lives and struggles of said young people has decided that simple derision will solve the problem.

“If you carry a knife, you’re an idiot,” said Simon Williams, from Chipping Norton.

“There, that should fix them.

“If there’s one thing that motivates troubled young people to change their behaviour, it’s strangers from low-crime areas telling them that they’re idiots.

“If that doesn’t work, I guess it’s time to send in the army.”

Charlie Foster, 16, from Lewisham, said “lol, OK.

“I carry a knife to college. Based on that bit of information alone, do you think my life, my social status, is such that someone I’ve never met thinking ill of me is going to make the slightest bit of difference?

“As far as I’m concerned, and as far as the world I’ve grown up in has taught me, this knife is for survival. A poster campaign from a government full of privileged tosspots telling me I’m a moron isn’t going to change my mind.

“It’s like me calling you an alky for drinking all that wine. I’m not your friend, I don’t live in your world and I don’t understand it, so you’re not going to care what I think or what I want. As it happens, you’ve made that clear enough in the past by shutting down all the youth clubs.

“So don’t expect me to give the tiniest shit if you think I’m a coward, because you never gave the tiniest shit about me anyway.”

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