Pension dispute sees London’s Beefeaters go vegan

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London’s beefeaters are so angry proposals to change their pensions that they will remain vegan until the whole thing is resolved.

About 120 staff are being moved from final salary pensions onto an “inferior” model, the GMB union said, meaning many beefeaters have been left with no choice but to go vegan.

Beefeater Simon Williams told us, “I’m a beefeater, and yes, I eat beef, but this pension deal is a slap in the face to all beefeaters. As such we will go Vegan until it is resolved. And we don’t care who knows it.

“It will be embarrassing for everyone at the Historic Royal Palaces if their beefeaters remain vegan, so we hope this will bring them to the negotiating table sooner rather than later.

“It’s not a hunger strike. But let’s be honest, it’s bloody close.”

A spokesperson for the Historic Royal Palaces told us, “This is about tradition, not modern fads. Beefeaters in the 1600s weren’t granted huge rations of beefeater tomatoes. Those beefeaters who have gone vegan must hate the traditions and history of this great country.

“That said, they’ve been vegan for five bloody minutes and already they won’t stop going on about it. They fit right in.”