Theresa May spent New Year’s Eve absolutely caning it through a field of wheat

author avatar by 4 years ago

Theresa May got a bit naughty for New Year, according to reports emerging this morning.

The embattled Prime Minister had an absolute bastard of a 2018, with Brexit nonsense, attempted coups, and Boris Johnson all rearing their ugly and/or blonde heads.

“So she spent just one night letting her hair down,” confirmed spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“She got herself a new pair of trainers and a crate of Special Brew, and she spent the night sprinting up and down fields of wheat, no matter what the disgruntled farmers might have thought about it.

“If anybody in the British countryside heard a wail of drunken ecstasy in the early hours of new years day, rest assured that was just the Prime Minister of Great Britain, absolutely off her tits on low-cost, high-strength alcohol while frolicking through some yet-to-be-Weetabix.

“And if anybody in the City of London heard a similar sound, that’s probably Boris Johnson just finishing up with someone who isn’t his wife.

“Happy New Year!”