Donald Trump has initiated the construction of a big wall around the White House perimeter with the aim of keeping out all those nasty unwanted journalists.
President Trump has had enough of reporters asking him stupid questions about the state of the nation and then telling everyone what words subsequently came out of his mouth. He has therefore decided to build a huge fuck-off wall to keep the bastards out.
“I’ve got the construction guys ready to go, and a tool belt my first wife bought me in 1982,” said Trump. “If the House of Preventatives wont let me build a wall along the Mexican border I’ll just build one myself right outside my door.
“You know, these fake news guys, they come in here claiming to want a better-informed electorate for themselves and their families. But they’re liars. All they want is to make trouble and undermine our democracy.
“They force their way into my home and ask me questions that I don’t want to answer – all without my consent I might add.
“No more. I’ve authorised the military to fire upon anyone throwing challenging questions my way.
“And the taxpayer needn’t worry, I’m going to make the reporters pay for it.”
The White House press office has been widely criticised for claiming that a CNN reporter touched a young woman after a heated exchange with the President.
“Oh, that’s not all,” said Trump. “On his way out of the White House this so-called journalist stuck a cherry bomb up a small kitten’s ass. Blew its legs right off. Right off.
“This sort of terrible behaviour is exactly why this wall is required. Not for my sake but for the sake of our great nation.
“God bless America, land of the free.”