Parents insisting entire nation is DBS checked in time for trick or treating

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Parents groups have begun lobbying the government to insist that the entire country is DBS checked in preparation for them to take their inappropriately dressed children to the houses of complete strangers for Halloween.

Caroline Farquharson, spokeswomen for Altringham Concerned Parents Association said, “It’s simply unacceptable that we can’t be sure of the safety of our children when we send them out at night begging for sweets from the doorsteps of complete strangers.

“The only way to protect our offspring is to insist that everyone – yes, everyone – is properly and thoroughly vetted beforehand, and for this reason we demand that the entire population is DBS checked, immediately.

“I read the papers – well the ones with lots of pictures – and we are pretty sure that at least 25% of the population are now paedophiles, perverts and homosexuals who eat children.

“Who knows what these people will do to our innocent young when they knock on their doors this evening dressed as pumpkins, witches and fairies?”

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Homeowners everywhere have rejected the proposals, claiming there is a much easier way to keep your children safe.

Peter Griffin of Sheffield told concerned parents, “How about you don’t let them go around demanding money with menaces whilst dressed like an extra from Moulin Rouge?

“What sort of life lesson are you giving them by letting them know they need to dress up to ‘earn’ – and that when that doesn’t work they should issue threats?”

However, Ms Farquharson insisted the children come first, telling us, “These demands are all about taking responsibility for our children.

“And we are simply no longer prepared to send them out alone in the dark to threaten and harass our neighbours in an environment which could pose a potential risk to their safety.”