Labour to support any Brexit deal punitive to Israel

On the eve of their party conference, Labour has announced a clear position on Brexit – they will support any Brexit deal that takes a harsh line with Israel.

The move comes as a relief to many supporters who have accused the party leadership of sitting on the fence regarding Brexit.

“The key thing with any Brexit deal is the stance it takes towards Israel,” said Jeremy Corbyn, Labour leader and hermit.

“Labour will be proud to support a Brexit deal that includes a series of punitive measures toward Israel, and grants me the freedom to call the establishment of Israel a racist endeavour and compare Netanyahu to Hitler.”

Mr Corbyn then climbed on a table and shouted ‘balls to the economy, free Palestine!’ before being led away by aides.

Labour supporters have been broadly supportive of the stance.

“Yeah, you know, I’m a free-thinking Labour supporter who isn’t influenced by the mass-media lie-machine,” said Simon Williams, who insisted he wasn’t a moron.

“So, I think what Jeremy tells me to think.

“If he thinks that the most important thing about Brexit is the freedom for him to call Netanyahu a Nazi, then that’s what I think too.”

The stance on Brexit is just one of a series of policy announcements before the Labour conference that includes extra funding for the NHS to protest against Israel, new school classes on why Netanyahu is a bastard, and a requirement for all citizens to wear a little ‘free Palestine’ badge on their donkey jackets.