Toad, the ‘mushroom character’ from Mario Kart, to sue over claims he resembles Donald Trump’s penis

author avatar by 6 years ago

Popular Mario Kart character Toad is to take legal action over claims from porn star Stormy Daniels that he resembles Donald Trump’s strange looking penis.

The claims emerged in Ms Daniels’ new book in which she describes a sexual encounter with the president, a passage said to contain some of the most distressing and revolting imagery ever created using the written word.

“My client utterly refutes the claim that he resembles the President’s penis and seeks substantial damages over the loss of earnings and trauma as a result of the accusation made by Ms Daniels,” said Toad’s lawyer, an Italian man with a big moustache and blue overalls.

“Look, I’m no one’s first choice in Mario Kart, I know that,” explained Toad to reporters.

“But I’m a solid second choice if Mario and Peach have already gone, but if I get known as the President’s penis guy from now on, then what kid is ever going to want to pick me?

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“Not to mention that if they do, the other kids are just going to be like ‘you’re playing with the President’s penis’ which is pretty terrible really.”

The lawsuit will be brought by the end of the week, and could require the President to testify under oath that his penis doesn’t resemble Toad, the ‘mushroom character’ from Mario Kart

Which, amazingly, wouldn’t even be the least dignified thing he’s done this week.

NewsThump would like to apologise for the repeated use of the phrase ‘the President’s penis’ and any nausea induced as a result.