Audi drivers furious after Highways England launches campaign to stop tailgating

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Audi drivers have reacted with typical impotent rage after Highways England announced the launch of a campaign specifically targeting tailgaters.

Ahead of the launch of its “Don’t Be A Space Invader” campaign, Highways England surveyed 1,109 motorists and found that one in three had been tailgated by another driver, and in one hundred per cent of those cases the other driver had been driving an Audi.

Poorly endowed Audi driver Christopher James told us, “This is a typical example of discrimination against Audi drivers.

“We are continually targeted by the police just because we are doing a hundred in the fast lane, and now Highways England has singled us out for no good reason.

“It’s perfectly safe for us to tailgate because our engines and brakes are superior to the average car, you see.

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“Besides, what is their definition of tailgating? I think that so long as my front bumper isn’t actually touching the car in front then we’re all good.”

Highways England spokesperson Simon Williams denied the claim that Audi drivers had been singled out, saying, “Nonsense – once a month we see a BMW driver doing the tailgating, which is quite nostalgic, really.”