Britain to hold referendum on whether to kill John Wick’s dog

author avatar by 6 years ago

Britain’s voters are to go to the polls once more to decide on the nature of their future relationship with John Wick and his dog, according to reports.

With campaigners insisting that getting John Wick to accept the death of his dog will be ‘the easiest thing in history’, dissenting voices suggest that Wick will instead go on a rampage and murder the shit out of everyone – a claim dismissed as ‘Project Fear’.

Activists say that there are huge numbers of potential dogs which Britons might choose to make a fuss of, and all that is needed is to run over, stab or possibly kick to death the one belonging to the highly trained and quietly retired hitman.

Wick, who has lived quietly and peacefully as a neighbour for as long as anyone can remember, suggested that a decision to murder his dog for no reason might be ‘regrettable’ – a claim dismissed by supporters of the idea.

“The ‘No’ campaign insist that a vote to kill the dog will result in you being shot several times in the head with a 9mm Ruger, but that’s just scaremongering,” said leading Yes! campaigner Simon Williams.

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“In reality, it will allow us to freely pet dogs from all over the world.

“Really, when you think about it, John Wick needs us more than he needs his dog.

“And if it doesn’t work out, it will be the fault of people who don’t support shooting the dog,” he added.

“If they respect democracy and just get on with making the dead dog work for everyone we won’t get shot in the face.”