‘Nice guy’ reckons he’s spent enough time being woman’s friend to warrant sexual intercourse

A “nice guy” has hit the magic point at which he’s entitled to some sex from a woman.

Simon Williams, 26, has been talking to Hayley Rice, 24, for a number of weeks and has been for coffee with her once or twice, during which time Hayley made it very clear that she was interested in nothing more than a platonic relationship.

“Sure, I heard her when she said she just wanted to be friends – I get what that is though, that’s code, it just means it’s not been long enough. Basically, it’s a challenge she wants me to take,” said a confident Williams.

“And let it be known, as a nice guy, I’m not averse to putting in the requisite amount of time needed for her to consider me as her next sexual partner.

“I’ve been sat about listening to her stories and her work problems and her issues with one of her parents – I want to say her Dad? I think it was her Dad, I’m not sure, I was only half-listening for the purposes of the eventual intercourse that I am now about due.

“You have to remember that I’m a really nice guy, which is why I’ve been listening to her go on and on with all of her rambling crap for the last few weeks.

“She’d better have sex with me at this point, that’s all I’m saying. Again, nice guy. Right here.”

Hayley sighed, “I was pretty clear in week one about what I wanted from this.

“Simon’s cock was most definitely not on the list.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →