Donald Trump announces tax cuts for people called Donald Trump

author avatar by 4 years ago

Comedy US President Donald Trump has announced a program of aggressive tax cuts for all people called Donald Trump.

“I have made a very careful, very detailed study of people called Donald Trump,” said Mr Trump on popular children’s TV show Fox and Friends.

“My conclusion is that they are all exceptionally high-quality, high-value people who consistently boost our economy.

“By introducing this tax cut, we can be confident that people called Donald Trump will go on to do all sorts of tremendous, tremendous business in the future.”

Mr Trump’s supporters welcomed the news.

“Hot damn, this is good news for America,” said Simon Williams, an unemployed underwear thief and fan of the President who was quietly stroking a pigeon that had recently become his wife.

“Now anyone called Donald Trump can go out there and become a millionaire tycoon with just the massive inheritance from his father and huge tax-breaks.

“It’s the American dream.”

Mr Trump denied that the tax cut was being introduced to benefit him personally.

“Oh, hey, that’s right. My name is Donald Trump, isn’t it?” he said.

“You know, that had completely slipped my mind. No, that’s a complete coincidence.

“Yeah, I’m happy to pay taxes, as my tax returns would show if I’d ever released them, and you know, what? If it were up to me, I’d ask to be exempt from my new tax cut plans.

“But the President is subject to all the tax laws just like anyone else. So, I guess I’ll have to put up with benefiting from my new Donald Trump tax cut.

“That’s a real pity.”

It is understood that Mr Trump is now planning a new law that exempts people called Donald Trump from being charged with all forms of sexual assault.