Steven Bannon auditioning Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Jacob Rees-Mogg to join white power band

author avatar by 5 years ago

The reason for Steve Bannon meeting with right-wing British politicians has finally been revealed.

It is understood that Steve Bannon, finding himself with a bit of time on his hands between appearances on LBC, has been jamming with like-minded politicians to complete the line-up of his white power band.

“I think Steve’s pretty much finished auditioning for the band now,” musically talentless close friend Nigel Farage told us.

“Picking BoJo to play the percussion was a no-brainer – he’s been banging the drum steadily for Brexit for years. Get it? Little joke there. But seriously, he is actually quite good at the drums.

“Michael Gove nailed the audition to play bass in the band. He’s a pathologically boring individual, so the bass is a nice fit for him.”

Farage explained he himself had auditioned, but after demonstrating literally zero musical ability with a wide variety of instruments, it had been decided that he would be the band’s Bez.

“Apparently the only horn I’m good at blowing is my own,” Farage added.

“And finally, Steve was quite keen to get Jacob Rees-Mogg involved, ideally as lead singer, but he insisted only on playing the mandolin.

“Steve was sceptical at first, but Jacob’s mandolin solos are actually quite patriotically rousing. Makes you think of the glorious time when there were no brown people in the country. So Steve will be handling the vocals.”

According to reports, the band will be called The Mottled Livers and are set to headline next year’s ‘Tory Glastonbury’ festival.