In a tell-all interview with Andrew Marr, the new Secretary for Exiting the EU has assured the public that the government is getting ready in the likely eventuality that he turns out to be supremely incompetent.
The confident minister went on to say that funds had been released to make the country ready should the millions of pounds spent on his department deliver the same result as a rude postcard sent to Michel Barnier on March 19.
He explained, “Of course we are going to try to get a deal that works for Britain. I’m doing all that I can to ensure that. Like my predecessor, I think the best way to deliver that is by going to boozy dinners hosted by right-wing cranks in London instead of talking to my EU counterpart.
“I’ve also been writing threats in the Telegraph to renege on our previous agreements if the EU doesn’t solve the problem that we created in Northern Ireland. But if that doesn’t work we must prepare for the worst.”
Mr Raab also told viewers that Theresa May was trying to garner support for her Chequers deal by sending the members of her Cabinet to European capitals over the summer. A dramatic move that diplomatic experts, such as EU official Sigmund Wilhelms, have little confidence in.
He explained, “It’s unlikely that sending a bunch of self-serving pompous twats to harass people during the hot summer is going to garner much goodwill.
“Put it this way, would you look kindly upon someone who got Michael Gove to interrupt your holiday?”