President Trump threatens to release his own sex tape if he is impeached

Impeachment proceedings against Donald Trump have ceased with immediate effect.

Following admissions that he was sleeping with Vladimir Putin and wasn’t even a top, the President has faced calls for impeachment from several quarters in the last 48 hours.

“You do that, and you get this, folks,” said Trump, holding up a video cassette labelled “Dreaming of a Wet Christmas- 2012”.

“So how about we all play nicely and nobody has to see anyone getting peed on by anyone else in any kind of Ivanka Trump mask while Alex Jones watches?

“That’s right, put the impeachment papers in the shredder, nice and slow. This is the right decision for America, it really is.”

Congressman, Simon Williams, said, “We all want to impeach Trump but Jesus Christ, not that badly.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m a member of the United States congress, which means there’s very little I won’t masturbate to, but that would have been a struggle even for me.

“I can’t believe he has it on a cassette. Even his recorded perversions are stuck in a bygone era. Sad.”

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