Government ‘back on track’ after twenty resignation-free minutes

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Pound shop PM Theresa May has confidently announced the Government is ‘back on track’ after lasting 20 minutes without a resignation from a senior minister.

The Prime Minister made the announcement outside Number 10, shortly after slipping on a banana skin and landing face down in big pie.

“My Government is absolutely back on track,” said Mrs May who showed no visible signs of having been drinking.

“We have had a successful twenty minutes of Government unity, which is actually a mere eleven minutes off our all-time record.

“I have replaced the ministers who resigned with some men who’ve been hanging around here for a while and seem unlikely to steal anything, and I can assure the country this government is at the strongest it’s ever been.”

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She went on to clarify the new strong and stable Government’s priorities.

She told reporters, “We will be focussing all of our attention on Brexit as there are nine pensioners in Kent who still think that it’s a jolly good idea to keep going with it.

“One of the men I appointed earlier – Barry something or other perhaps? – anyway, this man currently has his hand up is arse and is trying hard to pull a plan for Brexit out of it.

“So, I don’t think we’ve got anything else to worry about there,” she concluded cheerfully, before leaving the stage and standing on a rake that bounced up and hit her full in the face.

Shortly afterwards, Larry the Cat announced his resignation from Number 10 Downing Street.