Britain is preparing for Donald Trump’s visit by getting ready to show the President that it can make a bigger pig’s ear of things than him.
Trump, who is notoriously sensitive about people being better than absolutely everything than him, will be welcomed to Britain by a government determined to demonstrate they’re an even bigger shitshow than the current White House administration.
Plans unveiled over the weekend involve senior government ministers tearing chunks out of each other and throwing petulant spats whilst the electorate is trying to concentrate on important things like the World Cup.
News that one MP has called for the vote of no confidence against the Prime Minister 48 hours before Trump’s arrival is likely to delight the President, as not even the cavalcade of incompetence which follows him around has managed to make such an embarrassing spectacle on the International stage, as yet.
Other MPs are likely to follow suit, because if there’s one thing that makes a nation look great during the visit of the leader of a key ally, it’s lacking the discipline to wait before starting an internal power struggle for a few days.
Sources from Number Ten say that if President Trump isn’t impressed by how badly it’s all going wrong then they’ll arrange for him to share a car with Jeremy Corbyn for a few minutes.
When asked, Britain’s voters said that they don’t mind messing up Brexit, but if the government collapses whilst England are playing Croatia there will be hell to pay.