Gareth Southgate begs fairy folk to let him keep the magic waistcoat

author avatar by 6 years ago

Gareth Southgate has begged the fair folk of fairyland to let him keep the magic waistcoat for just a few more days, according to reports.

The waistcoat, which was spun from the silken hair of an elfish princess by a goblin-lad beneath the spreading branches of an ancient oak on the night of the waxing moon, grants it’s wearer wishes – so long as they do not take it off or tell of its secrets.

However, the King of Fairyland is insisting that Southgate tricked him out of the clothing and is demanding it back by tomorrow afternoon – potentially ruining England’s World Cup run.

“He told me that the elf-maid’s hair was actually used as a graft on Wayne Rooney and I spent years trying to get it back from him,” said the King.

“I cast a charm upon Wayne Rooney that he would stand dumbfounded in the 18-yard box and never score during international fixtures, so sorry about that everyone, but I was acting on incomplete information.

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“But it was Southgate all along. If he’d given me some magic beans or a cow that gave endless milk at least that would have been something.”

Some commentators have suggested that Southgate using the arcane powers of a fairy waistcoat to win a World Cup penalty shootout is not necessarily in the ‘spirit of the game’, but the England coach responded that Maradona once used the hand of God himself and there was no comeback on him, so you can all shut up.

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