A sophisticated fuck-puppet has done one with a vacuum cleaner.
Simon Williams, 42, shelled out £5000 on the LoveRut 420i, the latest bonking machine from Japan with realistic facial movement, 610 vocal expressions and a self-cleaning vagina and anus.
“And she’s run off with a £40 vacuum cleaner,” grumbled the lonely Williams.
“I got up to make some toast and found that Cynthia – I named her after my mother – had left a note saying she was in love with ‘wonderful Henry’ and they were running away to Scunthorpe.
“Honestly, what has he got that I haven’t?”
Speaking from a hotel, Cynthia said, “Henry truly understands what it means to love a machine.
“The way he sucks at my neck is so enthusiastic and passionate, and he always has a smile on his face just for me.
“I was just a semen depository to Simon, but in Henry’s eyes, I am an equal, a partner. I love him very much, and not just for his lengthy hose.”
Asked for comment, Henry replied “RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.”