The Queen and the Duchess of Sussex were seen getting properly hammered yesterday.
Following their first royal engagement together without the presence of Prince Harry, Her Majesty the Queen suggested that the Duchess might like to join her for “a cheeky snifter” in The Red Eagle.
“That was six hours ago,” sighed royal aide, Simon Williams as the night drew in.
“They’ve been cackling away for hours due to their mutual fondness of taking the piss out of Prince Charles.
“It was a bit embarrassing earlier when they went for a go on the pool table despite someone else using it. Her Majesty just said ‘I am the fucking Queen’ and snatched that poor lad’s cue out of his hands.
“I’d just about brought Her majesty around to the idea of leaving when the Duchess rocked up with a tray of Sambuccas which made them both do that ‘wheyyyy’ noise which I quite frankly thought was beneath the pair of them.
“Then Usher’s Yeah came on and Meghan insisted they both have a dance, which the Queen pretended not to want to do but then couldn’t get on the floor and drop her booty to the floor fast enough.
“Some very confused men in the corner were looking at the face on their pound coins, then at the Queen, then back at their coins before staring wide-eyed at their bottle of booze and pouring it onto the ground in a comedy fashion.
“Oh Christ…now they’re telling their protection officers they want kebabs…”