Red card shown to racism overturned by Russian FA

author avatar by 6 years ago

The red card shown to racism by practically every football association in the world has been overturned by the Russian FA.

“After carefully reviewing hundreds of match reports, eyewitness testimonies and signed confessions we concluded that there wasn’t enough evidence to uphold a red card,” said Vladimir Williams, a spokesman for the Russian Football Union.

At the same hearing, homophobia, sexism & anti-semitism were also cleared to take part in the World Cup.

Although the Russian FA continues to insist that they’ll host a friendly and inclusive tournament, evidence to the contrary continues to mount.

Earlier in the week, it emerged that the World Cup mascot, a footballing wolf called Zabivaka, was actually the dog who’d been caught making Nazi salutes on YouTube.

It was also reported that Russian officials had approached Morrissey to record their official World Cup song.

Despite insisting that Russia remains safe to travel to, the Foreign and Commonwealth Office has warned England fans to be aware of regional laws and customs.

“To begin with, there are very strict drinking laws in Russia. Basically, it’s illegal to be sober,” said Nev Burke, an FCO spokesperson.

“In addition, Russia is 29 years behind with Coronation Street. As a result, fans should avoid mentioning Alan Bradley, Blackpool or trams.

“I would also urge fans to be aware that World Cup fever and poisoning by a military grade nerve agent have exactly the same symptoms.

“On the plus side, I can confirm that there’ll be no bloody vuvuzelas at this year’s event,” added Mr Burke.