Paul Dacre set to take over as Brexit Minister as ‘David Davis steps down’

author avatar by 5 years ago

Paul Dacre, who announced that he would be leaving his role as the editor of the Daily Mail yesterday is set to be catapulted back into the public eye almost immediately, with whispers that he is set to become the new Minister for Brexit.

With his liberal views and balanced outlook on life, Theresa May sees Dacre as the perfect fit to carry out delicate negotiations with the EU’s top brass as talks reach a critical stage.

Cabinet insiders have today privately welcomed the potential appointment, with one senior foreign secretary, who wished to remain anonymous, claiming that he would be the ‘perfect fit’ in a role that ‘needs a strong but fair personality’.

Friends of Mr Dacre are said to be unsurprised at the news, with one claiming that it has been in the pipeline for ‘weeks, if not months’.

It is thought that one of Mr Dacre’s first challenges will be to get his own way with immigration, as he seeks to open borders to refugees from war-torn countries, address any medical issues that they may have and give them secure asylum in the UK.

This would be part of his overall plan to welcome skilled foreign workers into everything from our hospitals to our fruit fields.

The additional funding needed for this would be made available by the scrapping of the Royal Family and opening their current residencies as tourist attractions, with all profits given to the NHS.

He will also acknowledge that there may be a need to discuss whether there should be a second referendum, where the general public would be allowed to vote without being lied to by what he calls ‘the gutter right wing press’, who he claims were to blame for the mess in the first place.