The Evening Standard is a wonderful newspaper at the pinnacle of journalistic integrity, insists NewsThump

author avatar by 6 years ago

The Evening Standard is a wonderful newspaper, helmed by a natural-born newsman in George Osborne, and populated with articles of the highest journalistic quality, according to NewsThump from their new and expensively redecorated offices this morning.

As staff at the satirical paper began the day working on their brand-new top of the line MacBook Pros, they were keen to emphasise just how good the Evening Standard is, and that anyone questioning their integrity clearly doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Sipping on a luxurious coffee made from their state of the art new coffee machine, and with a top pocket stuffed full of fat cigars, Editor Simon Williams told us, “Yes, there are rumours that the Evening Standard is willing to take money in return for positive coverage in their news items, but that is utter nonsense, what sort of publication would do that and still expect to be taken seriously?

“The Evening Standard is very much an aspirational title for all serious journalists, and anyone telling you different is lying. By the way, have you tried caviar? It’s incredibly moreish, we’re having some more for elevenses, would you care to join us?

“The Evening Standard is possibly the greatest newspaper on the planet, and we’re incredibly lucky to get it for free in London – which is where we are based now that we can afford it. Anyone who isn’t reading it on a daily basis is clearly doing themselves a disservice.

NewsThump Hoodies

“We could pop out and get a copy now if you want? I could take you for a spin in my new Tesla? It has a thing called ludicrous mode, you won’t believe how quick it is. According to my new Rolex here, I have an hour before my next meeting so we could do it easily, what do you think?

“No? Well, I don’t care if you don’t fancy it, I’ll just buy new friends.”