Irish voters urged to drag nation into 20th Century

author avatar by 6 years ago

Ireland goes to the polls today to vote in a national referendum on whether women should be allowed to decide how their bodies are used, or not.

The vote will decide whether to repeal a part of the constitution, known as the Eighth Amendment, which effectively bans terminations in the country and makes the place feel like a 19th-century theocracy.

Those campaigning for the ‘No’ vote have insisted that a woman’s uterus is very much their business and that illegal backstreet abortions and expensive trips to the UK for terminations is just how Jesus likes it.

No campaigner Seamus Williams told us, “The Bible is very clear on this, in that bit about terminations being bad even if the woman was raped, or the foetus has no chance of survival.

“No, I’m not sure which bit of the Bible it is, but it’s definitely in there. Because why wouldn’t it be.

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“The only people who are voting ‘Yes’ are the people who enjoy killing babies, and baby-killers shouldn’t get their way on things like this.

“Obviously I don’t have a uterus, but it’s absolutely critical that I have a say in how you use yours.”

However, those on the Yes side have denied deriving enjoyment from killing babies, insisting that no-one enjoys having a termination.

Simone Williams told us, “If people did enjoy such things, then the capitalist society we live in would be advertising weekend termination breaks at luxury five-star resorts.

“As it is, we’re being criminalised for making personal decisions about our own body. This is Ireland, not Saudi Bloody Arabia.”