The nation has spoken and the will of the people is that it’s Laurel, and the rest of you need to get over it, according to a national referendum that should be the end of the matter.
With the population deeply divided, those hearing Yanny have been told to get behind Laurel, or face being branded as ‘enemies of the people’.
Staunch Laureler Nigel Williams spoke of his delight at the narrow victory for his anti-Yanny party.
He told us, “I have long campaigned that hearing Laurel is whats best for this country, but I dared not dream this day would actually come.
“Finally we can put this foreign sounding Yanny nonsense to bed and move forward into a bright Laurel future for all of us true British patriots.”
However, Yanny hearers – or ‘Yearers’ as they have pejoratively become known – are busy doing everything they can to overturn the result.
Yanny campaigner, Jake Matthews, 22, told us, “It’s mostly old people who voted Laurel anyway, and they’re renowned for poor hearing, so here we are as a nation being dictated to by a generation that won’t even be around to see the consequences of their vote.
“Did you know 80% of young people voted for Yanny. That’s the future of our nation being marginalised right there.
“Experts have looked at the soundwaves and conclusively proven its Yanny, this shouldn’t even be a debate.”
Matthews’ claims were disputed by Williams, who said, “You shouldn’t listen to experts, they all in the pocket of big-Yanny anyway.
“Look, we have our own facts and a big bus with the word ‘Laurel’ written on the side of it.
“So that should be the end of it.”