Grooming tips and daddy issues will be the main topics of discussion when Donald Trump meets Kim Jong-un next month.
“It’s important for world leaders to discuss shared interests when trying to build a relationship,” explained international diplomacy expert Francois Jambon.
“Trump and Kim come from polar opposite cultures, but both have plenty of common ground, such as ridiculous comedy haircuts, which make life far too easy for the satirists, and overbearing, hard-to-please fathers who are completely responsible for them both turning out to be utter donuts with no real grasp of the real world.
“That, and the fact they’d both really like to sleep with Ivanka.”
However, because the relationship between the two world leaders has previously been frosty at best, Jambon says that some topics will remain off limits.
“I understand that representatives from both the USA and North Korea have been given a list of things not to discuss,” he continued.
“Kim has promised not to mention Trump’s tiny hands and stupidly long ties.
“In response, Trump has agreed he won’t make threats of nuclear obliteration or ask what it’s like allegedly feeding family members to dogs.”