Very rich people happy to discover that undermining our democracy only costs £70,000

author avatar by 6 years ago

Very rich people in the UK are pleased to find that the process of undermining democracy comes with a very reasonable charge of only £70,000.

Chief Leave campaigns coordinator and very rich man, Lord Sir Simon Williams CBE MBE OBE, said, “This is an incredible turn up for the book, isn’t it?

“Everyone would’ve – sorry, I mean ‘would of’ because I am a Brexiteer – thought that undermining the very core of democracy would come with some sort of lengthy custodial sentence.

“However, as usual, because I am rich, punishment instead comes in the form of a cash settlement to the tune of ‘not even as much as I pay the woman who folds my socks each year’.

“This bodes very well for everything that we did by shifting funds collectively between the myriad Leave campaigns, which no-one thought was suspicious at all, did they?

“And I’m glad to see my friends at Cambridge Analytica – whose CEO spent three times as much as this fine on a chandelier, don’t forget – are pretty much off the hook with this excellent and most justified news!

“I guess they can’t put any of us in prison, because overnight the criminal justice system would become a much better place to live, with jacuzzis and seven-bedroom cells. In fact, a lot of us would own not only that prison but rent out a whole empire of prisons to very poor people.

“Pretty much how it is at the moment, really. But we all know that’s the Tories’ plan, seeing as how they’ll never be out of government ever again.”