A group of hardline Tory Brexiters have denied that they left a severed horse’s head in Prime Minister Theresa May’s bed as a threat.
The incident occurred after the Prime Minister refused to give assurances that Britain would not remain in any sort of European customs union.
“Nah, I don’t know nothing about no horse’s head in no lady’s bed,” said Jacob ‘Jakey-Boy’ Rees-Mogg.
“But, you know what? That sounds like a pretty upsetting thing to happen. Maybe this May Broad ought to think carefully about, you know, her position.”
Other senior Brexiters agreed with Rees-Mogg’s assertion that her position ought to be reviewed.
“Hey, I wasn’t even there when Jakey-Boy put the horse’s head in the bed,” said Liam ‘Brains’ Fox.
“Oh wait, no. I didn’t mean Jakey-Boy. I meant that I wasn’t there when some guy I ain’t never met put that head in her bed.”
Boris ‘The cunt’ Johnson issued a similar denial.
He told reporters, “No, I ain’t never seen no horse’s head, but, like my good friend Jakey-Boy says, maybe this lady should think a little more carefully about her position otherwise, you know, something worse might happen – to her, if I wasn’t being clear enough.
“Although, not from me and my friends, you understand, and anyone who says different is definitely going to regret it.”
The Brexiters also denied responsibility for a fish being sent to Number 10, the kidnapping of Theresa May’s consigliere George Hollingbery, and the brutal toll-booth shooting of her chosen successor Gavin Williamson.