Leading Brexiters deny leaving severed horse’s head in Theresa May’s bed

author avatar by 5 years ago

A group of hardline Tory Brexiters have denied that they left a severed horse’s head in Prime Minister Theresa May’s bed as a threat.

The incident occurred after the Prime Minister refused to give assurances that Britain would not remain in any sort of European customs union.

“Nah, I don’t know nothing about no horse’s head in no lady’s bed,” said Jacob ‘Jakey-Boy’ Rees-Mogg.

“But, you know what? That sounds like a pretty upsetting thing to happen. Maybe this May Broad ought to think carefully about, you know, her position.”

Other senior Brexiters agreed with Rees-Mogg’s assertion that her position ought to be reviewed.

“Hey, I wasn’t even there when Jakey-Boy put the horse’s head in the bed,” said Liam ‘Brains’ Fox.

“Oh wait, no. I didn’t mean Jakey-Boy. I meant that I wasn’t there when some guy I ain’t never met put that head in her bed.”

Boris ‘The cunt’ Johnson issued a similar denial.

He told reporters, “No, I ain’t never seen no horse’s head, but, like my good friend Jakey-Boy says, maybe this lady should think a little more carefully about her position otherwise, you know, something worse might happen – to her, if I wasn’t being clear enough.

“Although, not from me and my friends, you understand, and anyone who says different is definitely going to regret it.”

The Brexiters also denied responsibility for a fish being sent to Number 10, the kidnapping of Theresa May’s consigliere George Hollingbery, and the brutal toll-booth shooting of her chosen successor Gavin Williamson.