Theresa May creates new cabinet position for ‘Secretary of State for Shielding the Prime Minister’

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The Prime Minister has today announced that she will be expanding her cabinet by creating the position of “Secretary of State for Shielding the Prime Minister.”

The role was established after Amber Rudd’s resignation in the wake of the Windrush scandal after saying she “inadvertently misled” MPs over targets for removing immigrants.

The Prime Minister said in an official statement, “Amber was an excellent and experienced scapegoat and I am sad to see her go.

“She really covered my hide as it’s clear to anyone taking a cursory look at the details that I am just as culpable in this whole Windrush scandal, which people have now conveniently forgotten.

“That is why I am creating a cabinet position to make the administrative position of buck-receiving on behalf of the prime minister an officially recognised part of the government.”

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Many candidates are rumoured to already be in talks with the Prime Minister, including a certain high-profile backbench MP who did not wish to be named.

They told us, “The Prime Minister has been very upfront about what the position involves, as she is personally responsible for the mistakes she made during her long tenure as Home Secretary.

“She made it very clear that this position will require a lot of work as there are a tremendous number of mistakes which I can look forward to being personally blamed for, many of which have yet to reach the public domain.

“Theresa told me that I was perfect for the position due to my broad frame that is well suited to soaking bullets and my admirable ability to fall under buses.

“I look forward to my very short career.”