Lisa Stansfield finally locates her baby

author avatar by 6 years ago

Lisa Stansfield has finally found the baby she mislaid in the early 1990s, according to reports.

Stansfield, who went around the wer-er-erld looking for the child after she forgot where she put it, finally located her baby down the back of a settee where it had slipped in 1990.

The baby, now 28, is understood to be ‘extremely angry’ and social services are reported to be involved.

“We understood that Ms Stansfield claims she dedicated considerable time and resources to finding her baby, but we cannot overlook the fact that she maybe should have started looking in her own living room”, said a Child Services spokesman from her local council.

“We understand that she also said so many things to the infant, things he didn’t know, so we are considering adding verbal abuse to the neglect charge.

“We’re very concerned that she took the time to write a song about the loss and embarked on a world tour, rather than just looking for it.

“We appreciate that she said she was going to find her baby, but he was hardly going to be at Rock in Rio, was he? For fuck’s sake. Pull the other one, love.”