Everyone making a podcast except you, you f**king loser

author avatar by 6 years ago

Widespread reports appear to confirm that literally everyone is making a podcast, with the exception of you, you f**king loser.

You became the last person on the planet not to be making a podcast at around 2pm yesterday when your granny put out a podcast about gravy, featuring gravy news, gravy reviews and gravy stories from history.

The news is expected to shock you to your very core and question why you’ve wasted your life going to work and meeting friends like some f**king loser when you could have been at home making a podcast like everyone else.

Initially, podcasts were the preserve of news and sports outlets, then second-rate stand-up comedians realised that putting out a podcast was a reasonable method of satisfying their desperate craving for attention and selling some tatty merchandise from their last tour.

This saw podcasts from everyone who’s ever appeared on a panel show putting out podcasts about football because they may be incisive satirists but, hey, they’ve got strong working-class roots too.

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Finally, literally everyone else left in the world decided to put out a podcast, from The Queen of Denmark’s podcast about 90s wrestling to your brother-in-law’s podcast about extreme Japanese pornography, which has proven surprisingly popular.

Everyone else, that is, with the exception of you, you absolute f**king loser.

It is expected that you will respond to peer pressure by putting out a podcast that will no doubt be about the struggle of being the only person to not be doing a podcast.