CERN to release Small Hadron Collider for home use

CERN has announced that they are to release a cut down version of their popular Hadron Collider for use in the home.

The Large Hadron Collider was built some fifteen years ago, is housed in a 27-kilometre tunnel on the Switzerland – France border and is used to smash particles together to see what happens.

The facility has proven tremendously successful, having smashed over thirty particles together since it was built.

However, it’s large, cumbersome size and fixed location have proved problematic.

“Well yes, I’m an incredibly clever scientist based in Tipton near Birmingham,” said Professor Simon Williams.

“If I need to smash some particles together, I need to pop them in a bag, get a bus into Birmingham, take the plane to Geneva and then get a taxi out to CERN.

“And when you get to CERN, it’s not like you can just go right ahead and smash your particles together. There’s always a queue.

“I mean, I’ve tried smashing particles together manually – throwing one really hard at the other – but it’s just not the same.”

The new Small Hadron Collider will require only a seventy-metre tunnel, will come in kit form and require home assembly and will be available from Argos, Currys, and some branches of Boots.

“It’ll be a fantastic boon,” said Professor Williams.

“Finally, I’ll be able smash particles together in the comfort of my own home.”

If the Small Hadron Collider is successful, CERN is planning a Portable Hadron Collider which will fit in a small shopping trolley and allow scientists to smash particles together on-the-go.