Leading US department store Macy’s has announced plans to stock a line of designer bullet-proof vests for teens and children who don’t want to get shot.
Their teams of designers are currently working on the vests with the intention of having them in-store in two school-shootings time – or ‘next Wednesday’.
“We are super excited about this new line of really cool bullet-proof vests,” said Macy’s executive Chuck Williams.
“We think there’s a growing market of American young people who don’t want to get shot, but want to look good doing so.”
Although the vests have yet to be seen, Mr Williams was able to give a preview of what to expect.
“Oh, they’re terrific. We’ve got a vibrant neon design for the vivacious Katy Perry types, a faded check design for that laid-back vintage look, and a graffiti design for those kids who prefer an urban vibe.
“We’re hoping that Will. I. Am might even design the graffiti for us which is super exciting.”
There was also a specific set of designs for younger children.
“Oh, they are super-cute,” laughed Mr Williams.
“We’ve got nice pink bullet-proof vests with Barbie on for little girls, and exciting Star Wars droids bullet-proof vests for little boys.
“The way we see it, there’s no reason that surviving a direct shot to your centre mass can’t be fun.”
Weary American children have responded by saying that they’d really prefer it if the government just prevented people buying guns.
The government has made it clear that they won’t be doing that, and the kids should shut up and put their bullet-proof vests on just like they’re told to.