Yoko Ono denying any involvement in break up of ‘ISIS Beatles’

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Japanese artist and political activist Yoko Ono has denied any involvement in bringing about the end of the so-called ‘IS Beatles’ after news spread yesterday of the capture of their remaining two members.

Alexanda Kotey, 34, and El Shafee Elsheikh, 29, were the last two members of the cell to remain at large before their capture by fighters from the US-backed Syrian Democratic Forces, thereby bringing the career of the so-called IS Beatles to an early close and leaving everyone to speculate who might have really been pulling the strings of their demise.

US military commander Major Chuck Williams told reporters, “These four individuals were dubbed the ‘IS Beatles’ on account of their overwhelming popularity amongst their crazed, screaming fanbase.

“It would have taken quite a lot of careful planning to be able to destroy this group, so we suspect that someone with previous experience of such work may have been involved – and we wish to thank her.”

He added, “Although she is modestly denying that she has played a part in this, we believe that she obviously must have been involved, and she should be commended for doing something has actually contributed to bringing us closer to peace in a war-torn region for once, instead of just sitting in bed for weeks smoking weed.

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“If you’re listening, Yoko, this was the best possible use of your particular talent for breaking up four friends.

“Well done.”