Man promises not to enjoy night out without girlfriend

A woman has allowed her partner to go out for the evening, on the condition that he won’t have that good a time.

Thirty-three-year-old accountant Simon Williams had been granted permission to attend a ‘lads’ night’ by his girlfriend, but only on the grounds that he agrees to have no fun whatsoever while he is out.

His girlfriend Sarah told us, “I’m not an idiot; I know what goes on on these nights out ‘with the boys’.

“There will be too much drinking, strippers, probably a couple of arrests, stealing traffic cones, et cetera.

“To be honest, the idea that Simon can enjoy himself without me being right by his side is deeply hurtful, but I take solace in his promise that he will not be having any fun and will undoubtedly express regret that he didn’t stay in with me to watch Holby City.

“Also, as he can’t take me with him this evening, or bring me back a gift because there are no gift shops where they will be, I can only hope that Simon is wracked with just the right amount of guilt during the evening; just enough to make him think he owes me, but not enough to prevent him going and then blaming me for it.”

Mr Williams added, “When I told her about ‘going out with the boys’ I think she assumed we’d be guzzling larger, emitting various gasses and bodily fluids and shouting various semi-fictitious stories about ‘minges’.

“In actual fact, we mainly talk about military history and nibble on low-cal tapas – because Steve is still on his diet.”

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