Axl Rose to take over as lead singer for The Fall

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The Fall are looking for a new self-obsessed primadonna to front up the band for their upcoming tour.

Rose, who has an answerphone message agreeing to front up any band except his own, was approached last night as the ‘ideal replacement’ for Mark E Smith.

“What we need is a singer who we can’t rely on to show any respect for his audience, stay sober, or even turn up,” said guitarist Simon Williams shortly before being replaced.

“And if he stuffs over members of his band, takes all the credit and occasionally fires people who thought he was their friend, so much the better.

“Appalling dress sense is a plus too.”

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Rose is understood to be interested in the role, but says that the requirement to produce regular albums is completely beyond him.