Chinese businessmen offer £13,000 to not have dinner with David Cameron

Following news that David Cameron is charging £12,000 to Chinese businessmen to join him for dinner, it is being reported that many Chinese businessmen are offering £13,000 not to.

It is not really explained what Mr Cameron thinks a Chinese businessman might get out of a £12,000 dinner with him unless they are interested in massively destabilising their country through a combination of hubris and incompetence before swanning off back to a country pile in the Cotswolds and making a living out of charging Chinese businessmen £12,000 for dinner.

“Well, I think that £13,000 is a small price to pay for not having dinner with David Cameron,” said Chinese businessmen Xīméng·wēilián sī.

He continued, “I mean, obviously, I have no plans to actively have dinner with David Cameron because I’m not completely out of my mind.

“But there is a concern that you might accidentally find yourself having dinner with David Cameron, through no fault of your own, so if paying £13,000 guarantees that this scenario won’t happen, then it would be worth every penny.”

Interest in the dinner-without-David-Cameron package has been enormous.

There have now been so many Chinese businessmen wishing to pay £13,000 for the pleasure of not having dinner with Mr Cameron that he is considering a luxury not-having-dinner-with-David-Cameron official package for £25,000 that includes a signed book by someone who isn’t David Cameron, a t-shirt saying ‘I’ve never had dinner with David Cameron,’ and a blindfold and set of earplugs to protect yourself should you ever accidentally find yourself in the same room as David Cameron.