Jeremy Hunt has been made Secretary of Health and Social Care because God knows he’s not struggling enough already.
The human rhyming slang was widely expected to be moved out of the firing line to an easier department such as Culture, Fish or Stationery.
Failing that, it was expected- nay, hoped– that he would be thrown out of the cabinet altogether, and preferably down a couple of flights of stairs.
“But no. The fucker has somehow landed extra duties,” said a flabbergasted political journalist, Simon Williams.
“I remember when I worked at McDonald’s for my first job. I ruined the burgers, overcooked the fries and spat in the gherkins. I was quite rightly fired, not given additional responsibility for cashing up at the end of the shift.
“All I can fathom is that Jeremy Hunt must have some absolutely scintillating photographs of Theresa May. ‘Fields of wheat’ indeed….”
A spokesperson for Number Ten said, “The Secretary for Health and Social Care is absolutely the best person for both of these jobs, one of which he has already cocked up to a frankly extraordinary degree.
“We’re excited to see just how far this can go, as the health and well-being of the general public is more of a spectator sport to us than a going concern.”