Virgin Trains have offered an apology to a woman who complained after a senior member of staff called her ‘honey’, saying that he should have called her ‘sugar-knockers honey-pants’ in line with company policy.
“We are very sorry that we fell short of the high standards expected of Virgin Trains,” said the official statement of apology from an anonymous suit.
“The use of the word ‘honey’ is not acceptable and, seeing as how she was pretty fit, she should have been referred to as ‘sugar-knockers honey-pants’ in accordance with company guidelines.
“Because if you say the wrong thing to some women, they get really uptight. Amiright.”
A Virgin insider made it clear that there were plenty of red faces at the company.
“Look, in this day and age, it’s important that when dealing with a sexy lady, you come out with something a bit more impressive than ‘honey’,” he said.
“You’ve got to treat her special, make her know that you’re appreciating her looks and her body.
“Obviously, company guidelines say you should call her ‘sugar-knockers honey-pants,’ but I like to try and be a bit more creative and call her, you know, maybe ‘big tits smoking-ass,’ or ‘hubba hubba sex bunny’.
“It just shows you’re making the extra bit of effort most companies wouldn’t bother with these days.”
Virgin have assured female customers that in future they will be treated with all the respect due to them.
“We will absolutely not fall short again and will treat all women respectfully.
“Especially those with a nice arse.”