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Everyone is expecting to get the same presents as last year from a cat today.
7-year-old tom Simon Purrliams is understood to be planning to get everyone’s presents in a frenzy of running around on Christmas Eve starting at about 4:30pm and going on into the early hours, if needs be.
At a time when most people have completed their Christmas shopping, Simon has been sat on the sofa licking his arse for most of the last month and insisting he’d ‘get round to it’.
“I wish Simon would show a bit more effort and thought in his presents,” owner Gail Wilkins told us.
“But it’s just the same every year – a last-minute dash for horribly eviscerated rodents for everyone. Even a dead robin would be a bit more festive and let us have a bit of variety.
“I suppose at least the mice are locally sourced, but I’d hardly call them ethical gifts.
“Especially the one in my shoe that was still twitching last year.”
When asked, Simon told us that he gets people the gifts he’d like to receive, and next year a mostly-dead mouse would be infinitely preferable to yet another brightly-coloured plastic ball with a bell in it.
