A woman has controversially announced that this year, she won’t be donating to charity but will be sending Christmas cards because she is a real friend.
“I mean, in the past, I’ve done what most people do,” said Eleanor Gay.
“Not got round to sending cards because I’ve spent too much time on the sofa watching an old Friends box set, then gone on Facebook claiming that I’m far too busy with parties and gatherings to do cards so I’ll just donate to charity instead.
“Then spend all the money I would have spent on cards on a six-foot Toblerone.
“Obviously, I go through a standard bit of guilt that I didn’t actually donate any money to charity, so I pop down to the underpass to give that old tramp ten pounds but decide that he looks a bit scary and would only spend the ten pounds on drink anyway so it’s probably actually better for him if I keep the money.”
It is understood that Ms Gay chose to make the announcement rather than simply send cards in order to give friends the chance to reciprocate.
“Hey, I’m not saying they HAVE to send me a card, but I don’t want them to be embarrassed when they receive a card from me, but they’ve not sent me one.
“That would be awful.”
Not one for procrastination, Ms Gay has started writing cards already.
“Yeah, I’ve got some cards from the charity shop so, you know, you’re welcome poor people.
“I’ve even started writing a card to my parents, but I can’t find their postcode, so I might just send Mum a text instead.
“And, I forgot to get stamps, so I’ll have to pop out for them later.
“Actually, this is quite hard work, isn’t it.
“Where’s that Friends box set.”